One Thought from Dr. Mike
This week, I’m thinking about how pain and discomfort are essential for personal growth.
Most of us instinctively view “negative” or painful feelings as obstacles to overcome. But when we reframe emotional pain as an opportunity for personal growth, we unlock profound opportunities for self-discovery and transformation.
When we witness and acknowledge emotional pain in ourselves and others, we create an environment where healing and growth can flourish. I firmly believe:
“The act of holding space for someone’s pain, rather than trying to fix it, is a radical gift of love.”
One Example from the Podcast
What does “holding space” look like?
In a recent Ask Me Anything episode (AMA Vol. 19), we took a deep dive into honoring and embracing the emotional pain we all experience.
Holding space for someone who is experiencing pain is a radical act of growth. It’s harder than it might seem. When someone is flooded with difficult emotions, it’s not uncommon for them to:
- Want to escape the experience (by minimizing, changing the subject, even trying to smile it away)
- Cry… a lot
- Get pissed off, even directing the agitation your way
When holding the space, your job is to feel with them–and not get swept into the depth of their suffering. You are compassionately helping them have the experience, even in the most intense moments. You are a partner in this experience who can hold a non-judgmental-positive-regard.
You can find more details at timestamp 18:50-21:42 in the recording, and if you’d like additional insights check out the full episode here:
450: Redefining Failure, Effective Parenting, and Facing Pain | AMA Vol. 19
By the way, if you’d like to submit questions for an upcoming AMA episode, just reply back to this email with a question you’re wrestling with.
One Action For You
Here’s an invitation to practice holding space for others:
First, hold space for yourself to better understand how your emotions work.
- Take a few moments and calm your mind (handful of deep breaths).
- Notice a feeling that’s right under the surface.
- Observe the emotion – where do you feel it in your body? Does it want to move? What other ideas or memories are attached to it? Follow the experience as it twists and turns.
Emotions are a foundational component for living “a great life.” Learn how to work with your own emotions, so you can help others do the same.
Keep investing. Keep exploring.
Then, instead of trying to fix or minimize your own or another person’s emotional experience, choose to be present and acknowledge the feelings.
- How does this simple act of compassion foster an environment of healing and growth?
- In what ways has holding space deepened your connection and allowed you to grow stronger together?
It may seem counterintuitive, but it’s effective!
If anything from this week’s The Friday Focus resonated with you, please share your experiences and tag us on social @MichaelGervais and @FindingMastery on IG, X, or LinkedIn.
And feel free to forward this email or share with anyone who might find this helpful.
With Fire,
Mike